Quip Quotes (58)
A man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. He sits on a hot stove for a minute, it's longer than any hour. That is relativity.
Explanation given to his secretary, Helen Dukas, to relay to reporters and laypersons.
Explanation given to his secretary, Helen Dukas, to relay to reporters and laypersons.
James B. Simpson, Best Quotes of '54, '55, '56 (1957), in Fred R. Shapiro and Joseph Epstein, The Yale Book of Quotations (2006), 230.
See also: | Relativity (19)
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A pyschotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent.
Collected Papers
A psychiatrist is a man who goes to the Folies-Bergère and looks at the audience.
In Robert Andrews, The Columbia Dictionary of Quotations (1993), 747.
See also: | Psychiatrist (6)
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
Quoted in J. B. Birks, Rutherford at Manchester (1962), 108, without citation. Webmaster has not been able to find any earlier example of the quote in print. If you know a primary print source, or very early reference to this quote, please contact the Webmaster. If&mash;a strong if—truly a Rutherford quote, and such a snappy one, surely it should have been better documented from decades earlier?
An epidemiologist is a doctor broken down by age and sex.
Any clod can have the facts; having opinions is an art.
McCabe's motto (?) as columnist for San Francisco Chronicle. Margin quote, in Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE), Computer Group, Computer (1984), 89.
Archaeology is the science that proves you can't keep a good man down.
In Bob Phillips, Phillips' Book of Great Thoughts & Funny Sayings (1993), 24.
See also: | Archaeology (9)
ARCHIMEDES. On hearing his name, shout 'Eureka!' Or else: 'Give me a fulcrum and I will move the world' There is also Archimedes' screw, but you are not expected to know what that is.
The Dictionary of Accepted Ideas (1881), trans. Jaques Barzun (1968), 15.
See also: | Archimedes (10)
Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.
In Jon Fripp, Michael Fripp and Deborah Fripp, Speaking of Science (2000), 23.
COLD. Healthier than heat.
The Dictionary of Accepted Ideas (1881), trans. Jaques Barzun (1968), 25.
DOCTOR. Always preceded by 'The good'. Among men, in familiar conversation, 'Oh! balls, doctor!' Is a wizard when he enjoys your confidence, a jack-ass when you're no longer on terms. All are materialists: 'you can't probe for faith with a scalpel.'
The Dictionary of Accepted Ideas (1881), trans. Jaques Barzun (1968), 30.
See also: | Doctor (23)
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Thomas F. Shubnell, Greatest Jokes of the Century Book 2 (2008), 90.
See also: | Ivan Petrovich Pavlov (3)
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Thomas F. Shubnell, Greatest Jokes of the Century Book 2 (2008), 90.
See also: | Entropy (13)
Every science thinks it is the science.
In Leonard and Thelma Spinrad, Speaker's Lifetime Library (1979), 220.
See also: | Science (444)
Exploratory operation: a remunerative reconnaissance.
See also: | Operation (12)
Great science is an art.
In Leonard and Thelma Spinrad, Speaker's Lifetime Library (1979), 220.
See also: | Science (444)
Heisenberg may have slept here.
Quip that depends upon the reader appreciating the Uncertainty Principle.
Quip that depends upon the reader appreciating the Uncertainty Principle.
Bumpersticker.
See also: | Uncertainty Principle (5)
I don't quite hear what you say, but I beg to differ entirely with you.
I think modern science should graft functional wings on a pig, simply so no one can ever use that stupid saying again.
In K. D. Sullivan, A Cure for the Common Word (2007), 134.
I'd lay down my life for two brothers or eight cousins.
Quipped in a pub conversation. 'Accidental Career', New Scientist, 8 Aug 1974, 325.
See also: | Genetics (56)
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
In Andrew Davison, Humour the Computer (1995), 36.
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.
Although seen in various publications attributed but without citation to Albert Einstein, Webmaster is doubtful, and is placing it under Anonymous. But, if you know the primary print source, perhaps in different wording, please contact the Webmaster.
LITTRÉ. Snicker on hearing his name: 'the gentleman who thinks we are descended from the apes.'
The Dictionary of Accepted Ideas (1881), trans. Jaques Barzun (1968), 59.
See also: | Evolution (229)
Many 'hard' scientists regard the term 'social science' as an oxymoron. Science means hypotheses you can test, and prove or disprove. Social science is little more than observation putting on airs.
'A Cuba Policy That's Stuck On Plan A', opinion column, The Washington Post (17 Apr 2009)
Microbiology Lab - Staph Only
Thomas F. Shubnell, Greatest Jokes of the Century Book 2 (2008), 90.
Newton said, "If I have seen further than others, it is because I've stood on the shoulders of giants." These days we stand on each other's feet! (You and Your Research)
You and Your Research', Bell Communications Research Colloquium Seminar, 7 Mar 1986.
See also: | Sir Isaac Newton (82)
No man of science wants merely to know. He acquires knowledge to appease his passion for discovery. He does not discover in order to know, he knows in order to discover.
The Aims of Education and Other Essays (1967), 48.
No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway.
Thomas F. Shubnell, Greatest Jokes of the Century Book 2 (2008), 90.
Nothing you can't spell will ever work.
In Geoff Tibballs, The Mammoth Book of Humor (2000), 365.
See also: | Technology (38)
Psychiatrist: A man who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks you for nothing.
Attributed.
See also: | Psychiatrist (6)
Research serves to make building stones out of stumbling blocks.
Quoted in Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Technology Review (1932), 34, 4.
Science has always been too dignified to invent a good back-scratcher.
In Edward Anthony, O Rare Don Marquis (1962), 354.
Science is a first-rate piece of furniture for a man's upper chamber, if he has common sense on the ground floor. But if a man hasn't got plenty of good common sense, the more science he has the worse for his patient.
'The Poet at the Breakfast-Table', Chapter 5. The Atlantic Monthly (May 1872), 29, 607.
Science is forever rewriting itself.
In Leonard and Thelma Spinrad, Speaker's Lifetime Library (1979), 220.
See also: | Science (444)
Science is the ascertainment of facts and the refusal to regard facts as permanent.
In Leonard and Thelma Spinrad, Speaker's Lifetime Library (1979), 220.
Science is wonderful: for years uranium cost only a few dollars a ton until scientists discovered you could kill people with it.
In Evan Esar, 20,000 Quips and Quotes, 703.
Show me an archaeologist, and I'll show you a man who practices skull drugery.
In Bob Phillips, Phillips' Book of Great Thoughts & Funny Sayings (1993), 24.
See also: | Archaeology (9)
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Attributed.
Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie but admits that, under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations (1949). In Robert Harris Shutler, Mathematics 436 - Finely Explained (2004), 3.
Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations (1949). In Robert Harris Shutler, Mathematics 436 - Finely Explained (2004), 3.
See also: | Conclusion (24) | Definition (25) | Different (5) | Expert (7) | Number (45) | Statistics (49)
Supposing is good, but finding out is better.
Mark Twain in Eruption: hitherto unpublished pages about men and events (1940), 324. In Caroline Thomas Harnsberger, Mark Twain at Your Fingertips (1948), 232.
Television is chewing gum for the eyes.
In Geoff Tibballs, The Mammoth Book of Humor (2000), 365.
See also: | Television (2)
The banker asks, 'how much?' The scientist asks, 'how come?'
In Leonard and Thelma Spinrad, Speaker's Lifetime Library (1979), 220.
See also: | Science (444)
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Attributed. In Peter McDonald Slop, Oxford Dictionary of Medical Quotations (2004), 37.
See also: | Brain (58)
The brain is an island in an osmotically homogeneous sea.
From a lecture. Quoted in 'The Best Hope of All', Time (3 May 1963)
See also: | Brain (58)
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage
In Eileen Mason, Great Book of Funny Quotes: Witty Words for Every Day of the Year (1993). Quoted in Lilly Walters, What to Say When … You're Dying on the Platform (1995), 173.
See also: | Saturn (7)
The space scientist is a most remarkable man: he has his feet on the ground and his head in the clouds.
In Evan Esar, 20,000 Quips and Quotes, 703.
The spine is a series of bones running down your back. You sit on one end of it and your head sits on the other.
See also: | Bone (5)
The ways of science are unpredicatable: it can get men up to the moon, but it cannot get pigeons down from public buildings.
In Evan Esar, 20,000 Quips and Quotes, 703.
There are two kinds of sleep. The sleep of the just and the sleep of the just after.
See also: | Sleep (10)
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Sometimes seen on the web attributed to Isaac Asimov, but without citation. Webmaster has not yet found a reliable source. Meanwhile, consider it uncertain. Please contact Webmaster if you know a primary print source.
Tis better than riches
To scratch when it itches
To scratch when it itches
See also: | Itch (2)
Want to make your computer go really fast? Throw it out a window.
In L. R. Parenti, Durata Del Dramma: Life Of Drama (2005), 32.
When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.
Source uncertain. Often identified as Anonymous. Sometimes attributed to Bernard Bailey, for example, in a chapter heading quote (without citation) in juvenile fiction by P.G. Kain, The Social Experiments of Dorie Dilts: Dumped by Popular Demand (2007), 126. Sometimes found on the web attributed to Bernard Bailey, but just as often it is Anonymous. If you can identify Bernard Bailey or know an original print source, please contact Webmaster.
When someone abuses me I can defend myself, but against praise I am defenceless.
Attributed.
Yesterday's dreams are today's science
In Leonard and Thelma Spinrad, Speaker's Lifetime Library (1979), 220.
See also: | Science (444)
Zenophobia: the irrational fear of converging sequences.
Pun on the name of the Greek philosopher, Zeno, famous for his challenging paradoxes concerning converging sequences.
Pun on the name of the Greek philosopher, Zeno, famous for his challenging paradoxes concerning converging sequences.
In Wieslaw Krawcewicz, Bindhyachal Rai, Calculus with Maple Labs (2003), 407.
[Like people] if you torture statistics long enough, they'll tell you anything you want to hear.
In Erica Beecher-Monas, Evaluating Scientific Evidence (2007), 63.
